Feelings

Many of you know that infertility comes with a lot of mixed emotions and stress. In order to shield myself from unnecessary pain, I have quite a few pregnant friends removed from my Facebook newsfeed because of the surprise updates and photos that can happen on a particularly bad day. Most of these girls are aware that they have been removed from my newsfeed and they understand and are not offended by this (just as I wouldn't be offended if I were on the other end of this...you do what you have to do to protect your sanity). It does not mean I am not happy for my friends and that I have ill wishes for them because they have what I want, but I also don't need a reminder of my body's failures all the time and I am already in a fragile state of mind.
Well, the reason I am giving that back story is because I have a friend with a daughter that is now pregnant with her second child and has a due date that would have basically been my due date, had my IVF #1 worked. I have never met this girl, so I really don't feel the need to gush for her and be constantly exposed to her ultrasound photos and pregnancy announcements on my Facebook. If I don't want to be surprised with FRIEND'S photos, why would I want to be exposed to a stranger's photos? Tonight the mother (that is my friend and has told me she thinks of me like a daughter), told me I was selfish because I have people off my newsfeed and that I should just be happy for everyone else, whether or not it is something I get to experience. One of the most hurtful things I have heard from someone since finding out about my infertility problems and frankly, something my MOTHER would NEVER have said to me. I am so disappointed in this person, especially since she KNOWS my whole situation and also that her daughter's due date is near what mine would have been. What she doesn't know, I guess, is what it feels like to be in my situation. As of right now, I am down a friend (or at least what I thought was a friend).

In other news, had my blood work and ultrasound this morning and I started Follistim tonight, so I am officially in this again. First injection didn't hurt, so I hope I can manage that trick for the rest of them. Last time, I had some painful nights from the Follistim, since I can't get the darn injection pen to work properly! I guess I am about 2 weeks away from having embies in a petri dish again...I just pray that these embies don't have the same issues as my last ones. Since I am part of the Harvest Hopefuls this cycle, I got these socks to wear on egg retrieval day. I happened to see them among the Halloween socks at the craft store and thought they were perfect!

And lastly, I did manage to make it to ziplining again, since I hadn't started Follistim, so my body cooperated with that at least! This time was definitely more intense than the last one. Faster and higher ziplines and more physical requirements from me. The first one felt like we were just riding down in a hammock, this one yesterday, made my body sore from using muscles I don't normally use! Hopefully I recover from my daredevil soreness soon, but I am certainly glad I didn't let IVF stop me from doing it!

Fall colors

People may disappoint me, but this boy never does!